Exciting Caption Results!

The caption contest submissions were hilarious this week and I was thrilled to see Handsome Stan and Jordan join the fray. But I must select a winner and time is of the essence so let's get down to biddy.



JUGHEAD JONES







Betty: "Archie, I'm really looking forward to our date tonight!"



Archie: "Hey Jug, if I play my cards right I'll be eating some 'pie' a little later."



JPX hit the ground running with his Archie caption. The perversion goes hand in hand with Archie's suggestive expression.



MARY WORTH







Panel 1



Narration - Meanwhile, back at the Leprosy Diner...



Waitress: "Oh god! I'm sorry! My nose is falling off again!"



Mary - "!"



Panel 2



Mary - "Why do I keep coming here?"



This sums up everything I love about the way Handsome Stan's brain works. Mary Worth has been disappointed in her experience at the Leprosy Diner before and yet she keeps coming back. Why? Is it the food? Is it the close proximity to her house?



FAMILY CIRCUS







Family Circus could have gone in many directions (and it did) but Abduscias nailed it with "Mom! Look look what I found in PJ's ass!" It fits perfectly. Billy is holding the train track as if he just pulled it out and he looks worried while Jeffy is appropriately traumatized.



CAPTAIN EASY







Panel 1



Narration: By the first scene of Act Five, during the once-respectful reminiscences of Yorick, this production had cemented its position as the very worst production of Hamlet this reviewer has ever seen.



Panel 2



Narration (side panel): The buffoon playing Horatio had completely lost the cultural and historical tone meant to be set by his traditional costume. Instead he jumped around screaming about "The Mighty Alligator Ninja" as he shook the hapless creature by the throat.



Narration (white on black panel) (Incidentally, I am convinced the poor beast had been dead since Act Two)



Panel 3



Captain Easy: Alas poor Yorick, I knew him KICK YOUR ASS!!



Panel 4



Narration: Any impact the scene may have had was destroyed by the loud slide-whistle noise marking Yorick's descent



Panel 5



Narration: Oh yes, and they put a speaker inside Yorick's "skull." At this point, why not?



Yorick: DAY! DAYeeeeOOO! Daylight come and me wanna goo hoOOME!



Octopunk put his own personal stamp on Captain Easy, which I'd say was the most difficult of the bunch. The whole thing is hilarious but it was the slide whistle that won my heart. And finally:



MICKEY MOUSE







Mickey was a tie between Octopunk:



Panel 1



Mickey: Hiya Goofy! Watcha got there?



Goofy: Hyuck! It's brain tonic, Mickey!



Panel 2



Goofy: According to the doc, just a spoonful and you get five times as smart! Gawsh!



Panel 3



Mickey: Well you better drink it all, you dumb fuck!



and Abduscias:



Goofy-"Hey Mickey! Here's the juice you need for your problems with Minnie!"



Mickey"Thats great Goofy!"



Goofy-"Hmmm, maybe I can use this on Minnie..."



Mickey-"Wait, what??"



After healthy deliberation I've decided to award this week's victory to.....



Drumroll........



Abduscias!